“It often takes more courage to change one’s opinion than to stick to it.” – Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742-1790) Physicist and Philosopher
Sometimes you need to change your opinion and sometimes you need to stick to it. A great feat of maturity is to learn when and how to do both. Many people are out of balance and are far better at one than the other.
At one extreme are folks who are good at making decisions and sticking to them … but pride will not let them admit they might be wrong … thus they lack the courage to admit a mistake or to change their opinion. From the perspective of others, it is hard to respect someone who will never change their mind. Why do people remain adamant and unchanging? Sometimes they are bullies. It may also be to avoid intimacy in relationships. Never changing your mind is a good way to keep people at a distance or under control.
At the other extreme are those who are humble and honest enough to admit their mistakes … but often will fold easily when challenged about an opinion they truly believe in … thus they lack the courage to stick to their opinion. From the perspective of others, it is hard to respect someone who wavers on nearly everything. Why do such folks as these give in so easily? It might be fear of conflict or failure, possibly a poor self-image, not understanding who they are in Christ. But again, it is also another way of avoiding intimacy in relationships or of having the need to protect oneself.
Jesus had a better way … a way that requires courage, honesty, and humility.
“But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” – Jesus (Matthew 5:37)
Making yes be yes, and no be no, is in one sense about removing the playing of emotional games from our conversations. It is much more enjoyable to converse with someone who does not have a hidden agenda. It works well when both have the courage to be honest … honest about their true convictions, but also courageous to admit when they need to change their mind about something.
(If you believe there is nothing you ever need to change your mind about, your name would be “God” … just sayin’ … don’t mean to sound harsh. None of us has perfect theology or doctrines or opinions or knowledge. Surprise, surprise.)
The takeaway is this … ask God for what you need.
If you need courage to stick to your opinion … ask God. (Many folks who need the courage to be bolder are painfully aware that they need it and perhaps too afraid to try it.)
If you need courage to admit when you are wrong … ask God. (However … Many folks who need the courage to be humble are blissfully unaware that they lack humility or are too proud to try it.)
Choose to be balanced, to be able to say equally well, “I’m right this time,” or “I’m wrong this time.” This requires courage, honesty, and humility. Making it more complicated than this involves offering excuses for our behavior, and is, as Jesus said, “from the evil one.”
It takes courage to be honest, bold, and humble all at the same time!
Chaplain Mark
(NOTE: If you are in a relationship where the other person is virtually always right and certainly never wrong, and where you feel the pressure of conformity, this is a red flag. Seek some godly advice from a trusted pastor or friend.)