Don’t let your efforts to avoid self-centeredness lead you into thinking that it’s not OK to be nice to yourself.
Sometimes dangers are found by living at the extremes of issues that are meant to be balanced. For instance, the solution to avoiding self-centeredness is not to become self-loathing! The middle ground is called … “self-care.”
Self-care is a way of focusing on ourselves for the purpose of becoming what God created us to be. Ironically, as we engage in inward-focused self-care it causes us to become outward-focused and generous to others, to heal rather than hurt them, to bless rather than use them.
So, how well do you rate on “self-care”? One of its benefits is that it helps us in difficult times. Some people wait until there is a crisis and then depend on help from the outside … a grandmother, a best friend, a pastor, a TV show, a self-help book, etc. (all of which are good). However, by not preparing yourself for future difficulties but waiting until an emergency is like the panic method of getting through the crisis. The rest of the time, if things are going fairly well, they engage in little or no healthy self-care.
This approach leaves us equally unprepared for the next crisis, dry spell, conflict, or disappointment. Our failure to grow and mature in the good times, when we should be doing spiritual “strengthening” exercises, means that when trouble comes, we are not equipped to handle it, so we go “outside” again, looking for quick help, and sadly for some, God is not on the list of outside help.
Seeking help from others is necessary and beneficial, but that’s only one aspect of the plan. We are crippled if the only help we have is from emergency outside sources. We also have an inside source. Jesus said that the Kingdom is within you. Paul talked about the Spirit in us, bringing life and peace. Jesus told a woman that she could have streams of living water coming from within her. All to say that your help comes both from within and from outside.
A great transition that must take place in our lives (if it hasn’t already), is first to take responsibility for our mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being and make a “self-care” plan. Then we must learn how this inward health source works. In the Old Testament, David the shepherd boy and eventual King, faced lots of difficulties. And when things got really tough, he would “park” himself, suspend the journey, and “refresh himself” or “encourage himself” in the Lord.
“And David was greatly distressed; for the people spoke of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.” (1st Samuel 30:6) (KJV)
“The king and all the people who were with him arrived weary at the Jordan; and there he refreshed himself”. (2nd Samuel 16:14)
At those times when you have needed encouragement, did it ever occur to you that with God’s help you could be your own encourager? Or if in need of refreshing, you could “refresh yourself”? And that it would work! And that it would be enough! That’s because the Holy Spirit is actually the source of it. He’s the one filling your cup.
Self-care involves following the Lord’s plan for a healthy you. And if that doesn’t include spiritual health then it is not a holistic plan. The health food store and the gymnasium are not the two main keys to healthy living! If you are physically fit, but emotionally toxic or spiritually dry, then you are not truly healthy. You and the Lord can figure out this self-care plan. It involves physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects. And please don’t leave out the Body of Christ portion. We grow best in fellowship.
Whatever your plan, if your efforts to take care of yourself do not result in blessing others, then you are likely practicing self-centeredness not self-care.
Be well, be blessed, be a blessing!
Chaplain Mark