I have a memory from age four of being leery of a tiger under my bed. Starting at the door of my bedroom, I would run and leap into bed. In coping with this, there were times that I wanted one of my parents to stay with me until I went to sleep. When I awoke, it was a relief that nothing “got me” during the night! As an adult all this seems so silly, but at the time it was real.
There are adult versions of this feeling in which strange emotions stir within us of feeling alone and helpless in a time of stress, fear, or loss. These feelings are not invited in. They just rise up from within us, and at first, we feel helpless and even empty. For instance, one of my sisters died in a car wreck when she was 17. I was 23 and away attending seminary. This shook me up. I felt helpless and empty. It was as if some part of me died with her. Have you ever felt like that?
Seven years later, I again got shaken up emotionally by going through the pain of divorce. It rocked my world. For months I would feel queasy in my stomach just from the emotions of loss. At first it was daily, then occasionally, but still there. It lasted so long that I wondered if it would be permanent. I wanted desperately to know how to overcome it. Thanks be to God, there is a way, and this is my testimony.
Through these and other difficulties, my faith became to mean everything to me. I learned that it was only through faith and God’s grace that I could make it. This happened because thankfully I believed what I had heard and read that this is how you heal. God has helped me put my roots down into him, as I grew upward toward my dreams and destiny. I can’t identify the exact moment I became “thoroughly” secure in his love, but it would be sometime near age fifty … finally!
No longer do I have to wonder if there is something under the bed … LOL … which in adult language means I believe that nothing can overpower or overwhelm me, because there is no longer any doubt or lack of the inner experience of God’s presence. No more wondering if something could go wrong or separate me from his love.
Today’s verse says, “And when I wake up, you are still with me.” (Psalm 139:18) I hope you make this transition in life. We must move on from experiencing God’s presence in the moment, but all the time wondering if there might come a moment when we are alone. It is like being just unsure enough that we get surprised each time and say, “I was hoping God would always be with me, and thank goodness, again today, it still feels like he is. I sure hope I feel like this again tomorrow morning.”
There is a profound sense of deeper peace in which I know God is with me, and I know I will never be alone. It is a sense of warmth in the heart that never leaves. It is great to know God’s constant presence, to know that whether I am awake or asleep he is with me.
I don’t have to wait until tomorrow morning to know that “when I awake, God is still with me.” I already know it will be true for every single morning for the rest of my life, he will still be there. This is God’s gift to you and to me … not just his presence with us right now, but also the assurance of his future presence.
Blessings,
Chaplain Mark
Another verse:
“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39)
