Tag: Marriage and Family

Today’s Word Is FATHER

Fri-Jun-19-2020

A father and son story …

Many years ago, in the days of no indoor plumbing, a young farm boy and his friend from down the road got into a mischievous mood one day and decided to push over the outhouse.

The next day, the young boy’s father confronted him. “Son, do you know anything about the outhouse being turned over on its side? Tell me the truth now.”

The boy decided to call upon an incident in history in which George Washington made a confession to his father that he had cut down a cherry tree. So the young man said, “Dad, I cannot tell a lie. Yes, I pushed over the outhouse.”

His father said, “Come with me to the woodshed, and we will see about your punishment. You’re going to regret this, I’ll make sure of that!”

“But Dad,” said the son. “I thought I should tell you truth, you know, like George Washington admitting he cut down the cherry tree! And his father didn’t punish him, he was proud of him for telling the truth! So what’s the difference? Why do I get punished and he didn’t?”

“Well, son,” said the father. “Here’s the difference. George Washington’s father was not in the cherry tree at the time!”

Oops!

TODAY’S VERSE: The righteous who walks in his integrity– blessed are his children after him! [Proverbs 20:7]

This coming Sunday is Fathers’ Day. My father died 26 years ago. I can’t believe he’s been gone that long. He is the most genuine and kind man I have ever known. He was a pastor all his life.

It was 46 years ago that I became a father. My assistance for raising kids came from the Bible, the example of my own father, guidance from other wise people, and books by those with the gift of teaching. My failures were many, but I kept on trying.

FOR YOU FATHERS who are reading this … Happy Father’s Day! It is an honor and a privilege to be a father. Here are some things I have done regarding my father:

  • I have carried with me his approval. I knew he loved me.
  • I have forgiven him for his failures.
  • I have embraced his gifts and positive characteristics that ended up in me.
  • I have used some of his failures as inspiration for me to do better.
  • I retell the stories of good times and hard times, of great fun and lessons learned.

Perhaps you would like to make your own list of how you have processed the fathering you have received and in what way you can affirm your father. None of us can possibly get everything we need from an earthly father. The design is to move on as an adult from dependence on an earthly father to dependence on our Heavenly Father, who continues the fathering job for the rest of our lives.

My prayer today … Thank you, Lord, for being a perfect Father to me. Thank you for my father; he was one of the good ones. Thank you for my son and sons-in-law, and lead them to be strong fathers. Thank you, Lord, for making up the difference, for all of us, between what we “needed” and what we “got” from an earthly father. May we as a people honor our fathers this weekend, while remembering that none of us are perfect. Forgive us. We are grateful, Heavenly Father, that you are the best! AMEN.

Happy Father’s Day!

Chaplain Mark

Today’s Word Is DISSATISFACTION

Thu-Jun-18-2020

Over the years the disagreements between my wife and myself have gradually diminished to very few occurrences. And hurray! … we have been happily married for 35 of our 37 years of marriage! The first two years we had a hard time adjusting! Our disagreements during that period were almost fatal, until in a moment of breakthrough, we realized we were actually on the same team and should proceed with that in mind. Whatever skirmishes we have had since then were mostly minor and often humorous. But I can recall a day about four years ago when we hit a bump. Each of us was dealing with our own bothersome health issues, plus some other stresses such as moving to a new home.

Today in our marriage, bad days are fairly infrequent for us, and when they occur it usually works out that the one doing OK supports the one having the bad day. But … on that particular day we decided (not really) to each have our own bad day on the same day … and express it forcefully! Such times can cause intense feelings of dissatisfaction. During the first couple of years I occasionally thought I should just leave, and although I’m afraid to ask (LOL), I’m fairly sure she had the some thought a few times. (Or maybe quite a few times … gulp!)

Have you ever been involved in something in which you reached a point of being ready to leave … “I’ve had enough” … “I can’t continue this”? In the Bible (John chapter 6), the great multitude of followers of Jesus were having a rough time with some of his “difficult” teachings, to the point that many of them decided to leave.

John 6:66 sounds like a bad number … and it is … From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. (John 6:66)

The “chosen” twelve disciples must have been struggling with the same inner conflict, and Jesus asked them if they, too, wanted to leave. But the disciple Simon Peter blurted out a gem of a confession at this point.

“You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:67-68) Now that is an amazing, Holy Spirit inspired declaration!

Back to my story … For both my wife and I to be tired, cranky, and emotionally upset on the same day seemed like an enormous challenge, one which might have made us question if we could keep going. Frankly, this had probably been building for quite a few days. What do you do when this happens? As people of faith we can learn something from Simon Peter about what is the right question to ask. If we look to the God of our faith and into our inner being, the truth is obvious. After all, that same belief, foundation, attachment, and love that we have (and the disciples had) with Jesus, is also true for us in our marriage.  … “Where would I go?” … and we know the answer … “You are the one.”

Many people give up on faith, marriages, jobs, friends, etc. because they jump without considering the question, “Where would I go?” That’s worth thinking about. Is there something you are about to give up on? Obviously, some things need to be abandoned, but in the case of faith or marriage or other things that God has a plan for, we need to ask, “where would I go?” The Holy Spirit reminded Simon Peter that the best place was right where he was, with Jesus, despite the struggle, questions, and doubts.

A few times in various circumstances of my life, I have jumped when I shouldn’t have. We all have done that. Dr. Phil would gladly jump in and say, “And how’s that working for you?” And the answer is … it’s not.

Sometimes dissatisfaction gives us the chance to realize and affirm that we are where we are for a reason.

Blessings,

Chaplain Mark

Today’s Word Is HEAR

Wed-May-27-2020

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with Me. (Revelation 3:20)

When this verse says, “If anyone hears,” I conclude that not everyone hears. It implies to me that even though a voice may be speaking, something about some people causes them not to hear that voice, at least under present conditions.

For the first time in our 37-year marriage, my wife and I have a home with a swimming pool. We like it. I am now the “pool guy,” and there is always something to do. Under certain conditions, sometimes the pool pump clicks off and must be restarted. The equipment is near the end of the house where our bedroom is, and while I am getting ready in the morning, I can tell by the presence or absence of a certain sound with a certain pitch whether the pool pump is running or not. My wife can’t hear it unless I hum the pitch and she really, really concentrates, and sometimes still can’t.

On the other hand, my wife has had the sense of hearing the faint cry of one of the kids during the night while I remained asleep. There are folks who can be at a crowded occasion in a large facility, and yet when a child falls and cries out from the other side of the room, the parent of that child knows the sound of that cry.

There is something in each of us capable of hearing the voice of God. We can be preoccupied by our world, our job, our activities, whatever … such that God’s voice doesn’t get our attention. But God is calling. He hasn’t left you out or given up on you because of your present season of stress and distraction. Stop and listen. You can hear him.

During my younger years, I heard others use this passage as an evangelism and conversion tool. And I adopted that approach as well. Jesus is knocking on the hearts of unbelievers because he wants to come in and save them, take up residence.

While that is true … that Jesus wants to come into the hearts of unbelievers, that is not who this message was originally written to. It was addressed to the Church at Laodicea. Yes, Jesus is knocking on the door of a church that has stopped listening to his voice. This is the church to whom Jesus said, “I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.” Revelation (3:15-17)

This is evidence that even though we might have been a believer for a long time, we still have spells when we are not really listening. In one sense, that is what this passage is about … the church … one full of believers who have stopped listening. Isn’t it interesting that his request was for “anyone” on the inside of that door to hear him and invite him in!! And while this is a call to the churches to become on fire again, it is also about any believer who has learned to ignore what God is saying.

I listened to a story on the radio today from a man who was sitting in a church leadership meeting when the Lord spoke to him about the extra-marital affair that he thought he was getting away with. And the voice said, “Today is the day to come clean. It is time to trade your story of infidelity for God’s story of faithfulness and forgiveness.” The next day he revealed the truth to his wife, and a new story began.

Now that’s pretty serious. And maybe your situation is, too. Or maybe your story is completely different. Maybe it’s about your church. Or perhaps you personally have wandered away from God. Listen for his voice today. God has “no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1) But he does want you to hear his voice. He wants to continually write and rewrite your story. He does not want you to be lukewarm. He wants you to be all in.

Wherever you are in life … stop and listen. Invite him in. Dine with him and be nourished. Be changed. Be new.

Blessings,

Chaplain Mark

Today’s Word Is LOVED

It’s Humor Day!
Fri-May-8-2020

Do any of these sound familiar?

THE TOP 13 THINGS MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

#13 – She taught me about how to become an adult … “If you don’t eat your vegetables, it will stunt your growth, and you’ll never grow up.”

#12 – She taught me about logic … “Because I said so, that’s why.”

#11 – She taught me about foresight … “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

#10 – She taught me about irony … “Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

#9 – She taught me about contortionism … “Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck.”

#8 – She taught me about endurance … “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

#7 – She taught me about  the weather … “This room of yours looks like a cyclone went through it.”

#6 – She taught me about hypocrisy … “If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

#5 – She taught me about appreciation … “There are millions of children around the world who are starving, so eat your supper and appreciate it.”

#4 – She taught me about anticipation … “Just wait until your father gets home.”

#3 – She taught me about medical sciences … “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

#2 – She taught me about ESP … “Put your jacket on. Don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

#1 – She taught me about prayer … “You’d better pray that Kool-Aid stain comes out of the carpet!”

Actually, my mom only used a few of those on me and my four siblings. We had a good home and parents who loved us, took good care of us, guided us, and carried us to church every Sunday. (Of course, our Dad was the pastor, LOL). Mom passed away 17 years ago, and we all miss her still. Even in the later years of her life, she had a great smile, loved to play card games with the family, was proud of her children, and sang in the church choir as long as she could.

One description of Christian parenting tells us that the primary role of the father is protection, and of the mother affection. For instance, in Paul’s letter to Titus, he tells the older women to “admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children …” (Titus 2:4)

Generally, we expect our mother to love us above all others. It is natural. So, think of protection and affection this way. If a child falls down and bruises their knee, or even just bruises their pride, who would they typically run to? Mom. She kisses it and makes it better, comforts the child, and tenderly takes care of the hurt.

On the other hand, suppose the family is strolling through the shopping mall and a loud gunshot startles everyone. What would the child be likely to do? Grab Dad’s leg with both arms and hold on tight. I know this is a generalization, but the point is these are situations where a child has an urgent need and God has designed parents to meet those needs.

Neil Anderson, author of Who I Am in Christ and other books, says that there are three basic human needs … acceptance, security, and significance … and he lists the many Scriptures describing how God meets each one. Parents imitate God for the young child by providing these needs. You can see how the combination of a mother and father helps the child to feel accepted as a person and safe from outside harm. Obviously, mothers and fathers both do some of each of these, according to their gifts and the needs of the child.

Each of us emerged from childhood with some degree of these things. From there on we allow God to finish the work that our parents started. The purpose of parenting IS NOT to raise children from dependence to independence! It is to raise them from total dependence on their parents to total dependence on God!

Thank you. Lord, for those mothers who have helped us to feel loved and accepted.

Blessings,

Chaplain Mark

Today’s Word Is MOTHERHOOD

Thu-May-7-2020

Several years ago, my wife Jean and I attended Willow Creek Church in Chicago, which averages 18,000 attendance at their multiple weekend services. We were getting acquainted with the lady seated beside us and learned that she worked on the church staff as a drama/skit writer. In the beginning, she had just come as a visitor one Sunday, and ended up staying. So, I asked her, “What made you come back the second time?”

Her answer startled us and touched us deeply. She said she was struggling with life and relationships and felt led that she needed to be in church. She wanted some peace and hope, and Willow Creek Church had been recommended. However, if she made her first visit that next Sunday, it was going to be Mother’s Day, and for that reason, she almost decided to wait a week. “Why was that?” I asked.

She explained that she had an awfully bad relationship with her mother. They were not on speaking terms and there was a lot of hurt and bad memories. But she went to church anyway, she was desperate for change in her life.

What she experienced at church that day was that they didn’t “glorify” mothers as if they were all perfect. They were honest about good and bad relationships, but they did honor mothers in a very nice way. It made her feel like this was a place where she could grow and be blessed. It was affirming to her that they talked straight forward about family difficulties, because she was fully prepared for the pastor to preach that anyone who can’t get along their mother must be a bad person and should be ashamed. Instead she felt accepted and forgiven.

Motherhood, after all, is not that easy. And sometimes, things get complicated. For instance, my siblings and I had a good mother who loved us and did pretty good considering there were five of us to raise, a pastor for a husband, living in the South while all her family was in Connecticut, plus moving to a new town every few years, and tragically losing one of my sisters in a car wreck at age 17. Ten years prior to that, Mom had been dealing with rough patches that we were too young to realize were mental health issues, but she made it … yes, she did! And that’s the way most families are, I suspect. There are lots of ups and downs, and somehow, we make it.

This coming Sunday is the annual celebration of Mother’s Day. I think it is worth it to remember and discuss some of the awesome memories, the joy and laughter, as well as the difficulties, heartache, and tears. These things have made us who we are.

There are many people to pray for and affirm on Mother’s Day. There are women like my Mom who lost a child along the way. It seems like the most unfair thing there is. And then there are women who have wanted children but for some reason could not. This is true of someone close to me, and she is a ray of sunshine to all of us. There are women who have had miscarriages. I call this conceived on earth but born in heaven.

There are mothers who have suffered abuse, and others who seem to hurt everyone around them. There are mothers who were simply hard to understand, but we tried to love them the best we could. There are mothers we didn’t get along with because of our rebellion. There are mothers that we didn’t like in our teenage years, and now they are our best friend. And there are mothers who knew just how and when to do the right thing and the best thing for us.

There are also women that I call “other mothers.” I spent almost as much time in high school at the home of my best friend as I did at my own house, and his mother was my “other mother.” The Apostle Paul said, “Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord; and greet his mother–a mother to me also.” (Romans 16:13)

There are single mothers who work and raise children, being mom and dad both. And let us not forget our many step-families, in which we may say “our children” and “our mother” without reference to whether they are “yours” or “mine.” Many of us have been blessed by having a mother and a stepmother. Some have struggled with this while others have blossomed. But we can affirm that God walked it with us.

Some of us can also truly say that our mother was influential in our spiritual life, perhaps our profession of faith, and our growth in the Lord. Paul also wrote this to Timothy: “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.” (2nd Timothy 1:5) Isn’t that a great testimony to the influence that many women of strong faith can pass on to us!

Let us give thanks to the Lord for the blessing of motherhood, with all its ups and downs. May we remember that Mother’s Day is not a time to glorify mothers. It is a time to glorify God, who gave us mothers to bless us in a variety of ways. I am thankful that there are no perfect mothers – that they each have their particular strengths and weaknesses. I believe that regardless of how well each mother did, we can thank her for the good, forgive her for the bad, forgive ourselves for our part, and celebrate the blessings that came along the way, and remain with us to this day.

Happy Early Mother’s Day!

Chaplain Mark

Today’s Word Is PROPOSAL

Holy Thursday
Thu-Apr-9-2020

I proposed to my wife on Labor Day weekend 37 years ago on a spiritual life weekend held at my grandfather’s farm in Little Creek, Virginia, while hiking in the woods. You know how it goes in our culture … you find someone you like, date awhile, fall in love, make a proposal, and if the answer is yes, you get married.

Ancient Hebrew custom was a little different … actually, a lot different. Two large families that had sons or daughters that “needed to be getting married” would discuss an arrangement. This was not arbitrary, it was well thought out, but guided mostly by the parents of the two candidates. The young man and woman were quite pleased with this arrangement and the two families were all in on the excitement. When a mutual decision had been reached to proceed with a marriage, the first step was the official proposal. The groom-to-be would go to the home of the bride-to-be to propose, and it might be local, or it could be quite a journey.

Now, before I tell how he proposed, let me add another twist that is quite different from our culture. Families stuck together … big families  … extended families. When the next generation got married, they would add on a room to the “big house.” It may or may not be physically connected, but it was close by, next door, sort of like a community, with generations and cousins. In fact, for a young man to take his bride and leave both their homes and move far away would have relayed the message that they were rejecting their families and breaking ties. You see, under their conditions, they needed to all stick together to survive and build wealth.

I am writing all of this for what we call Holy Thursday (or Maundy Thursday), our remembrance of the Last Supper of Jesus and the disciples. Jesus taught them many things that night, which are described best in John chapters 13-17 (yes, 5 chapters of what went on during the Passover meal and their walk to the Garden of Gethsemane). We know, of course, that Jesus offered bread and wine to the disciples, saying, “This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” (Luke 22:19) … And likewise, the cup after they had eaten, saying, “This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.” (Luke 22:20)

Back to the groom-to-be proposing to the bride-to-be … but keeping in mind what happened at the Last Supper. The groom enters the home of his beloved and has a meeting with her and her father. He offers to make a new covenant with her in marriage. Then, he gets out … not a ring … but a goblet and a skein of wine. He pours it and then offers it to her. If she takes it and drinks it, then she has said “yes.” Now, he goes back to his father to “prepare a place for her, so that where he is, she may be also.” (Sound familiar?)

Jesus said to the disciples on their last night, “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also.” (John 14:1-3)

You and I have also been invited into this New Covenant, and by saying yes, we enter his community, his Kingdom. It is good to remember each time we participate in Holy Communion, that by receiving the bread and the cup, we once again celebrate this gift.

This Kingdom is eternal. Someday, Jesus will return to take us home. When? No one knows the day or hour, but we must be ready. Jesus told the disciples, “But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” (Mark 13:32)

Why is that? Well, back to the groom and bride … when the son goes back to his father, he begins to prepare a home for his bride. How long will that take? Well, it could be weeks or months and often more. Only the father knows. The son might build something quickly and think he is ready, but the place must be to the satisfaction of the father. Dad might say, “Not good enough,” and tell him to fix this or add that. And when the father says it is ready, the groom goes to get the bride, bringing her home accompanied by her family, where there is a marriage ceremony, a great feast, and a few days of celebration.

In Scripture, the Church of true believers is called the bride of Christ. “And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.” (Revelation 21:2) The Father will send the Son to come for us, at an hour we do not know, and take us home.

The Last Supper was an amazing evening, and we will discuss more of it in the days ahead. But for now, we know that Friday is coming, and Jesus will make a sacrifice sufficient to cover the sins of the whole world. I hope you have accepted this free gift of salvation and entered into a relationship with the Savior.

Blessings,

Chaplain Mark

Today’s Christmas Word Is … HOSPITALITY

Mon-Dec-9-2019

Christmas is a family time. But there are those who don’t have family nearby or anyone with whom they can celebrate the holidays. What would you think of “adopting” someone who is very lonely at Christmas? Invite them over for dinner. Buy them a present, put it under the tree, and let them open it like everyone else in the family. Help them to be part of the family, included, wanted.

Many years ago, a family in the neighborhood where we lived befriended a woman who was living in the woods nearby. The parents and their teenage son and daughter ventured into the woods and introduced themselves. The homeless lady agreed to come to their home for Christmas dinner, where she received a wonderful meal, some items that helped her through the winter, and most of all … a sense of belonging.

In our home for the last several years, we have invited a certain lady to spend Christmas day with us. She has no local family to be with and would otherwise spend that special day alone. She opens her presents from under the tree just like the rest of us.

In biblical days, God’s people were taught this: “‘If any of your fellow Israelites become poor and are unable to support themselves among you, help them as you would a foreigner and stranger, so they can continue to live among you.” (Leviticus 25:35) This applies to us as well.

The town of Bethlehem must have been jammed with people forced to travel there for the census. Wherever it was that Joseph and Mary sought out accommodations, someone took seriously God’s directive to be hospitable. And if there was no “room,” then a substitute must be found. So, Mary and Joseph ended up in someone’s barn. We have been taught to think of that as terrible. But not necessarily so.

In the inn or “house” there were probably many people, sleeping everywhere, noisy and boisterous. The choice of the stable gave them privacy and quiet. And most of all … it fit the story God wanted to tell, one of humble surroundings and solitude, including a manger for a baby bed. The shepherds would have felt quite at home, and the wise men were far more interested in the Holy One they sought than the nature of the surroundings.

Hospitality, generosity, and humility are all close to the heart of God. Why not take someone in who is in need of hospitality and family … even just for one meal?

You could make someone’s year!

Chaplain Mark

Other Verses:

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.” (Matthew 25:35-36)

“Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” (Romans 12:13)

“In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world. (This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to their own town to register. So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.” (Luke 2:1-7)

Today’s Christmas Word Is … MEANING

Christmas 2019
Wed-Dec-4-2019

Getting ready for Christmas for many people in our society usually means putting up decorations and launching into gift purchasing. When my now-middle-aged children were kindergarten age, in order to add more meaning to this wonderful time of year, we decided (this means I decided) to put up a manger scene that would serve a purpose.

We put the stable in Bethlehem, which was on the buffet in the dining room. The rest of the cast was spread out over the house. Shepherds were out in the field with their sheep, close by in the living room.  Nazareth, the beginning point of Joseph and Mary’s journey, was at the far end of the house, and the wise men began from the East far away, meaning upstairs in the back bedroom. I suppose the angels could have started out on the roof, but I thought better of that.

These characters made their way to Bethlehem and the manger by being moved along an appropriate distance every few days. As we did this, we would talk about how they were feeling … excited? tired? … Did they encourage each other when they were weary? I did most of the talking, of course, while they rolled their eyes. Singing an appropriate Christmas carol helped. Their occasional comments, some funny, some profound, some absurd, and their child-like singing were precious moments.

Mary and Joseph arrived at the manger first and settled in. The shepherds stayed put in their field until the last moment, when the angels showed up with a notification, and all headed to Bethlehem on Christmas day to see the baby Jesus. The wise men arrived last, and a good time was had by all!

Have you thought about devising a way to stay focused on what your journey to Bethlehem really means this Christmas? It is, of course, far more than gifts and decorations. And considering the difficulties of late … hurricanes, floods, wildfires, droughts, not to mention personal difficulties and tragedies … we are surely thinking about how precious life is, and how unpredictable.

Make this Christmas season memorable for yourself and your family as we remember that God came into our world for a purpose. We didn’t make up the idea of Christmas gift-giving ourselves. God did that … and gave the first and best Christmas gift. The wise men followed suit and the tradition continues. A memorable Christmas is one upon which we may reflect long afterward, and sense our eyes getting moist or a smile breaking out, as we think about the amazing work that love does in our own heart and in our family.

Let the season of joy fill our homes!

Chaplain Mark