Tag: Humor for the Day

Today’s Word Is … WORKS

Today: A plan that works.
Fri-Jan-17-2020
Humor for the Week

Welcome to Today’s Word Is … A Daily Devotion (Mon-Fri) by Chaplain Mark Davis. Friday is humor day, so here we go!

An old man living alone in Idaho wanted to break the ground for his potato garden, but it was very hard work with just a mattock and a spade. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Bubba, … I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. … Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad, … For heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the BODIES. … Love, Bubba

At 4:00 a.m. the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. A couple of days later, the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad, … You can go ahead and plant the potatoes now. It’s the best I could do under the circumstances. … Love, Bubba

THOUGHTS:

God chose you and me to be problem solvers in our world, and to help others in need.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)

This means that God decided not to do everything directly on his own. He chose instead to involve his people in doing the speaking, the work, the going, and the sharing. Sometimes that means getting creative. And as we do things for others, we are doing them for the Lord.

Jesus spoke in Matthew 25:37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ 40 The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’”

Just one caution … we don’t do these works in order to earn our way into God’s favor, or as a requirement for being saved. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

We still must do these good works, because as Martin Luther (1483-1546) pointed out, “God does not need your good works, but your neighbor does.”

Have a good weekend, including rest, family, and worship,

Chaplain Mark

Humor for the Week … LOOKING HEAVENWARD

Fri-Jan-10-2020

Welcome to Today’s Word Is … A Daily Devotion (Mon-Fri) by Chaplain Mark Davis. Friday is humor day, so here we go!

The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination but couldn’t quite remember it.

Deciding to seek help, she went to the pastor’s study and asked for assistance. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment.

Finally, he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock.

The teacher was amazed. “I’m in awe at your faith, pastor,” she said.

“It’s really nothing,” he answered. “The combination is written on a piece of paper taped to the ceiling.”

Looking heavenward is a good way to solve lots of problems.

Have a blessed weekend, including rest, family, and worship!

Chaplain Mark

Humor for the Week … FAIR WARNING

Fri-Jan-3-2020

Two Pennsylvania country boys were in desperate need of cash, but admittedly were a bit cowardly. So one suggested they break into the Amish market … the logic being that since the Amish were non-resistant, even if they were caught, no harm could befall them. Thus they carried out their plot.

However, just as they were breaking into the cash register, the owner turned on the lights and confronted them, a shotgun pointed directly at them.

Calmly, the Amish man said, “Boys, I would never do thee any harm, but I feel I must warn thee that thou art standing where I am about to shoot.”

Commentary:

Sin gets us into lots of messes. And guess what … our Heavenly Father sometimes speaks like the Amish farmer … “If you insist on proceeding with what you know you ought not be doing, you are going to get a jolt you won’t like!” The Word of God and the whispers of the Holy Spirit are full of fair warnings for the consequences of our poor choices.

Lord, help us to listen and obey!

Chaplain Mark

Humor for the Week … SENIOR IN CONTROL!

Fri-Dec-27-2019

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from attending the evening service at her church when she was startled by an intruder. She could see the burglar in the other room robbing her home of its valuables.  All she could think of was the verse she learned at church that evening. She couldn’t remember the whole text, which was, “Repent and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven,” but she did remember it came from Acts 2:38.

So, she yelled, “STOP! Acts 2:38!”

It worked! He must have known that verse! The burglar stopped in his tracks, knelt down, and lifted his hands. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer arrived and cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a Scripture verse to you.”

“Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an Axe and Two 38’s!”

Have a great weekend and attend the worship service of your choice,

Chaplain Mark

A merry heart does good, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones. (Proverbs 17:22)

(The Daily Devotion “Today’s Word Is” is published Monday – Friday.)

Humor for the Week … Mailing Christmas Cards

Fri-Dec-20-2019

With the introduction of “forever” first class postage stamps, we no longer have to be as concerned about what the price of a single stamp is. A few years back, you sometimes had to combine several stamps of different values to make up the first-class cost. Remember that? Thus, when you went to the post office to purchase stamps, the clerk would ask you what denomination (value) of stamps you wanted. With that in mind …

A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.

She asked the clerk, “May I have 50 Christmas stamps?”

“What denomination?” the clerk replied.

“Oh, my gosh, has it come to this?” the woman said with a sigh.

She glanced through her Christmas list, while counting on her fingers, and finally said, “Give me 8 Presbyterian, 6 Lutheran, 12 Methodist, 19 Baptist, and 5 Pentecostal.”

Thankfully, Christmas is the same for all of us. Our faith does not depend on a denomination, it is about Jesus for every believer. We should remember that our differences are small compared to the great gift of God. He brings hope, peace, joy, love, and salvation to all of us. Jesus prayed in the upper room, “Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one.” (John 17:11) Years ago, we sang a popular chorus, “We are one in the Spirit, we are one in the Lord, and we pray that all unity may one day be restored.”

Have a joyful weekend, and gather with fellow believers for worship,

Chaplain Mark