Several years ago, my wife Jean and I attended Willow Creek Church in Chicago, which averages 18,000 attendance at their multiple weekend services. We were getting acquainted with the lady seated beside us and learned that she worked on the church staff as a drama/skit writer. In the beginning, she had just come as a visitor one Sunday, and ended up staying. So, I asked her, “What made you come back the second time?”
Her answer startled us and touched us deeply. She said she was struggling with life and relationships and felt led that she needed to be in church. She wanted some peace and hope, and Willow Creek Church had been recommended. However, if she made her first visit that next Sunday, it was going to be Mother’s Day, and for that reason, she almost decided to wait a week. “Why was that?” I asked.
She explained that she had an awfully bad relationship with her mother. They were not on speaking terms and there was a lot of hurt and bad memories. But she went to church anyway, she was desperate for change in her life.
What she experienced at church that day was that they didn’t “glorify” mothers as if they were all perfect. They were honest about good and bad relationships, but they did honor mothers in a very nice way. It made her feel like this was a place where she could grow and be blessed. It was affirming to her that they talked straight forward about family difficulties, because she was fully prepared for the pastor to preach that anyone who can’t get along their mother must be a bad person and should be ashamed. Instead she felt accepted and forgiven.
Motherhood, after all, is not that easy. And sometimes, things get complicated. For instance, my siblings and I had a good mother who loved us and did pretty good considering there were five of us to raise, a pastor for a husband, living in the South while all her family was in Connecticut, plus moving to a new town every few years, and tragically losing one of my sisters in a car wreck at age 17. Ten years prior to that, Mom had been dealing with rough patches that we were too young to realize were mental health issues, but she made it … yes, she did! And that’s the way most families are, I suspect. There are lots of ups and downs, and somehow, we make it.
This coming Sunday is the annual celebration of Mother’s Day. I think it is worth it to remember and discuss some of the awesome memories, the joy and laughter, as well as the difficulties, heartache, and tears. These things have made us who we are.
There are many people to pray for and affirm on Mother’s Day. There are women like my Mom who lost a child along the way. It seems like the most unfair thing there is. And then there are women who have wanted children but for some reason could not. This is true of someone close to me, and she is a ray of sunshine to all of us. There are women who have had miscarriages. I call this conceived on earth but born in heaven.
There are mothers who have suffered abuse, and others who seem to hurt everyone around them. There are mothers who were simply hard to understand, but we tried to love them the best we could. There are mothers we didn’t get along with because of our rebellion. There are mothers that we didn’t like in our teenage years, and now they are our best friend. And there are mothers who knew just how and when to do the right thing and the best thing for us.
There are also women that I call “other mothers.” I spent almost as much time in high school at the home of my best friend as I did at my own house, and his mother was my “other mother.” The Apostle Paul said, “Greet Rufus, chosen in the Lord; and greet his mother–a mother to me also.” (Romans 16:13)
There are single mothers who work and raise children, being mom and dad both. And let us not forget our many step-families, in which we may say “our children” and “our mother” without reference to whether they are “yours” or “mine.” Many of us have been blessed by having a mother and a stepmother. Some have struggled with this while others have blossomed. But we can affirm that God walked it with us.
Some of us can also truly say that our mother was influential in our spiritual life, perhaps our profession of faith, and our growth in the Lord. Paul also wrote this to Timothy: “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.” (2nd Timothy 1:5) Isn’t that a great testimony to the influence that many women of strong faith can pass on to us!
Let us give thanks to the Lord for the blessing of motherhood, with all its ups and downs. May we remember that Mother’s Day is not a time to glorify mothers. It is a time to glorify God, who gave us mothers to bless us in a variety of ways. I am thankful that there are no perfect mothers – that they each have their particular strengths and weaknesses. I believe that regardless of how well each mother did, we can thank her for the good, forgive her for the bad, forgive ourselves for our part, and celebrate the blessings that came along the way, and remain with us to this day.
Happy Early Mother’s Day!
Chaplain Mark