Over the years the disagreements between my wife and myself have gradually diminished to very few occurrences. And hurray! … we have been happily married for 35 of our 37 years of marriage! The first two years we had a hard time adjusting! Our disagreements during that period were almost fatal, until in a moment of breakthrough, we realized we were actually on the same team and should proceed with that in mind. Whatever skirmishes we have had since then were mostly minor and often humorous. But I can recall a day about four years ago when we hit a bump. Each of us was dealing with our own bothersome health issues, plus some other stresses such as moving to a new home.
Today in our marriage, bad days are fairly infrequent for us, and when they occur it usually works out that the one doing OK supports the one having the bad day. But … on that particular day we decided (not really) to each have our own bad day on the same day … and express it forcefully! Such times can cause intense feelings of dissatisfaction. During the first couple of years I occasionally thought I should just leave, and although I’m afraid to ask (LOL), I’m fairly sure she had the some thought a few times. (Or maybe quite a few times … gulp!)
Have you ever been involved in something in which you reached a point of being ready to leave … “I’ve had enough” … “I can’t continue this”? In the Bible (John chapter 6), the great multitude of followers of Jesus were having a rough time with some of his “difficult” teachings, to the point that many of them decided to leave.
John 6:66 sounds like a bad number … and it is … From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. (John 6:66)
The “chosen” twelve disciples must have been struggling with the same inner conflict, and Jesus asked them if they, too, wanted to leave. But the disciple Simon Peter blurted out a gem of a confession at this point.
“You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve. Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:67-68) Now that is an amazing, Holy Spirit inspired declaration!
Back to my story … For both my wife and I to be tired, cranky, and emotionally upset on the same day seemed like an enormous challenge, one which might have made us question if we could keep going. Frankly, this had probably been building for quite a few days. What do you do when this happens? As people of faith we can learn something from Simon Peter about what is the right question to ask. If we look to the God of our faith and into our inner being, the truth is obvious. After all, that same belief, foundation, attachment, and love that we have (and the disciples had) with Jesus, is also true for us in our marriage. … “Where would I go?” … and we know the answer … “You are the one.”
Many people give up on faith, marriages, jobs, friends, etc. because they jump without considering the question, “Where would I go?” That’s worth thinking about. Is there something you are about to give up on? Obviously, some things need to be abandoned, but in the case of faith or marriage or other things that God has a plan for, we need to ask, “where would I go?” The Holy Spirit reminded Simon Peter that the best place was right where he was, with Jesus, despite the struggle, questions, and doubts.
A few times in various circumstances of my life, I have jumped when I shouldn’t have. We all have done that. Dr. Phil would gladly jump in and say, “And how’s that working for you?” And the answer is … it’s not.
Sometimes dissatisfaction gives us the chance to realize and affirm that we are where we are for a reason.
Blessings,
Chaplain Mark