How do you handle people who seem to be fragile? It is tempting to tell people who can’t deal with their problems to just “get over it.” There might be a handful of people for whom that works, but that approach is rarely effective. So, let’s consider two types of fragile people.
First – there are some folks who are always fragile; it’s a way of life, and a method of avoiding further hurt. It takes great commitment to help this kind of person without “enabling” their negative behavior. Usually this kind of person needs more help than we can give, and perhaps we should seek outside wisdom.
What they “say” they need is “a little help.” What they “actually” need is “inner healing” in a profound way. This idea sounds extremely frightening to them. They may get angry or hurt if you won’t give them, once again, a small dose of help. Their best hope is with a person who loves and is committed to them enough to find them some serious help. Counseling would be good. In a spiritual sense, they may need inner healing from a ministry that is equipped for it. Celebrate Recovery helps with addictions. Sozo ministries, Formational Counseling, and other ministries like them can help facilitate amazing emotional healing from God. I was involved many years with The Order of St. Luke the Physician and saw many people receive life-changing inner healing.
If this sounds like you or someone you know, and you are unsure how to proceed, please contact me.
Next … there are also folks who are temporarily fragile, such as during a hospital stay, or following the death of a loved one, or any number of other crises. It might also describe someone who has dealt with a difficult situation for a long time and is getting extremely weary and discouraged or close to falling apart. Sometimes this extends to the whole family, as all may be suffering and fragile. But these would be folks who normally seem to “have it together,” and who could get back on their feet through the love of Jesus and the assistance of their family and God’s family. For people such as this, we can apply the words of Isaiah the prophet, who said this about the coming Messiah Jesus … “A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish…” (Isaiah 42:3)
Being honest with people about their situation is necessary of course, but we can also be mindful that there is sometimes very little capacity remaining for dealing with their condition. In this sense, we are dealing with people who are like “bruised reeds” or “dimly burning wicks.” It is quite an art to help people deal with stress and hurt and to assist them with healing, while simultaneously caring for their personhood in such a way that we do not break their spirit or extinguish their hope. It is worth developing the ability to accomplish this.
Remember, we will occasionally run into one of those “always fragile” people who resist help. But many others will respond positively to our ability to get them through this present difficulty, even in their fragile state. And perhaps they will gain strength, wisdom, and maturity because of it, even to the point of gaining a passion to help others like you have helped them.
If you are one of those dimly burning wicks or bruised reeds, tell someone that you trust. Tell them that you are willing to listen, and that you need someone to walk with you. Find a friend, a chaplain, a pastor, a counselor, someone wise and trustworthy. If you have been thinking about this … then don’t put that off any longer. There is hope. Life can be better.
And if you know of a friend, co-worker, or family member who is “fragile” but won’t say so – then however gently you must do it, offer them some hope and support.
Blessings,
Chaplain Mark